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Fanfiction Review Response #1


I feel kind of guilty for this. I promised to update my fanfic, Destroyer of Olympus regularly, but I haevn't uploaded a new chapter since May 2014. I've been pretty busy playing RuneScape, sporking bad literature and fanfic, reviewing bad movies etc. and at the moment, I'm working on a very rough draft of another fanfic I've started (it's a RuneScape one if you must know). But I'll update Destroyer of Olympus one of these days...as soon as I can...hopefully....

So I found out about a new review someone left me, but since it was done anonymously, I couldn't reply with a direct PM them so I decided to respond right here.

From: Bubbles (Guest)

So does that mean Blossom and Buttercup are gonna review too?

Bubbles:Okay, so a few things. First off, this does not fit with Percy Jackson canon. The level of gore just doesn't fit with it in any way.

Of course not. The Percy Jackson and the Heroes of Olympus books are written for children. Despite being based on Greek mythology, which has tons of nightmare fuel and squick, Riordan had to tone it down or else the moral guardians would be demanding to have the books banned. I wanted to write a darker and edgier story where I'm not limited by censorship.

Second, saying a character was just pretending to be good/evil is an extremely lazy writing technique, and makes everyone OOC. Flipping canon the bird damages the fic. Try coming up with a reason that fits with canon.

Good point, but for the sake of the plot, I had to give Percy's father the Ron the Death Eater treatment. In my rough drafts, I tried to make him evil without resorting to that; I tried to flanderise his negative traits, but I couldn't do that; I couldn't find anything I could use. It's like Riordan read the original myths but when he wrote the PJO books, he took out all of the negative traits before giving him a mythological hero upgrade because god forbid Percy's dad has flaws. Besides, it's established in chapter 3 that Olympians are jerkasses by nature, and Percy's dad tossing him aside after he outlived his usefullness is only natural for them, just like it's only natural for a velociraptor to attack humans.

At least I tried to justify his face heel turn. At least you're not reading one of those fics where neutral/good characters are vilified for no reason. *cough* all those high school AUs where Rachel is turned into the resident alpha bitch/school slut/rich bitch who may/may not be Percy's ex just so she could be compared unfavourably to Annabeth *cough*

Third, all of this is very OOC. The Minotaur suddenly able to talk, Percy cussing and aiding and abetting torture, it's very OOC.

Sorry about the minotaur talking, the last time I read the PJO books was in 2011, and I don't have a copy with me, so I had to rely on memory. The Camp Half-Blood wiki isn't that detailed.

You also seem to have some real life issues - minors like Percy would not be able to purchase alcohol, and where would he get a dependable source of money to hire prostitutes and drink every minute of the day?

Oh yeah, because writing about violent/gory/dark/disturbing stuff definitely means you have problems. I guess Stephen King must have issues too. And George R.R. Martin must be a sadist.

I specified in chapter 1 that Percy used his mum's life insurance and a fake ID to buy alcohol, and in chapter 2 when he gets a flashback of a girl grinding on him and then giving him a blowjob....that wasn't a hooker.

Finally, the idea of /anyone/ just helping someone who severely injured them is ridiculous.

Not if you have Stockholm syndrome.

If Percy had been in Jigsaw's company for several months, so the only human interaction with anyone is with him helping, it would be believable. Jigsaw saying, "Hey, wanna do evil with me?" and Percy just saying yes is stupid.

That's a very valid point. I actually wanted to expand on that part where Jigsaw treats Percy's injuries, it was supposed to be longer than one chapter, so I could really showcase what he goes through when he's isolated for months and Jigsaw is the only human he interacts with (and that part made it into the final version), who gets several pet the dog moments while manipulating him into becoming an apprentice. But I figured they'd be boring to read, so I cut those parts short in favour of getting more action scenes.