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[Testing,Testing]

...here's a scene from my upcoming Runescape fanfiction (I don't know what to title it yet), that takes place after The Light Within, but before the Lord of Vampyrium. Like most of my Runescape fanfics, it starrs my character, Bryce. But unlike anything I've written before, it's more explicit, as in it's...sexier than anything I've done before. I've writen stuff where characters drop the f-bomb every chance they get when they're angry/stressed, I've written stuff with detailed torture scenes (*cough* my Percy Jackson fanfic that I haven't updates in ages *cough*) but I've never written anything like this.

And by "sexy," I don't mean that this scene contains hardcore literary porn. I just mean that it's like an NC-17 or an R rated movie, not hardcore porn but much more explicit than your average PG-13 movie; in other words, it's got lime rather than lemon. But it is my first time writing lime and if I fucked up, I didn't want to wait until reading the comments after I posted it on DA to find out that I missed my mark and it ended up being hilariously bad/cheesy/stupid/creepy/cringey rather than sexy, so I decided to post the opening snippet here to you, my test audience (and eventual actual audience when the fic comes out I guess).


She wished the world would stay that way forever, with her lying on her side in bed and Bryce next to her, holding her in his arms. But she knew it could not be so. Time never stood still, no matter how much she desired it; the day would go on, and sooner or later, she would have to get up.

She turned around and the sight of Bryce, even as he slept with his pale blond hair over his eyes made her feel almost uncontrollable desire, as she did the night before when they made wild, passionate love; she had been sprawled out on four fours while he took her from behind and made her scream in pleasure.

Just memory of last night was enough to make her bite her lip, wishing she could feel the same euphoria she did when he put himself inside her.

Lifting up a delicate hand, she pushed his hair back, and her heart raced while she was taken aback with how beautiful he was, with his long eyelashes and sculpted features.


He’s so carefree, so peaceful, so angelic, she thought. So…unreal. I sometimes wonder if this was all part of a dream and when I would wake up in my bed all alone…

She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss to the lips. This is no dream, yet it feels just like one, only in a dream would an adventurer like him even notice a lowborn girl like me.

She got up, and was immediately welcomed with the cool air kissing every inch of her naked body. As she walked to the dresser in the corner across the room, she caught a glimpse of the grey, overcast sky out the window.

Perhaps we’ll get some rain today...

She was sorting through the pile of clothes on the mahogany chair that was placed on front of the dresser when her hands landed on Bryce’s leather jacket. She picked it up and brought it close to her face, allowing her to smell his rose and vanilla cologne, and imagine that he was standing behind her and wrapping his arms around her.

Like he did when he made love to me, she thought, blushing. I feel so safe in his arms, so… protected…

She was about to put it down, when she got another idea. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror, and the girl in the mirror with her slender hourglass figure, ample breasts, long legs and dirty blonde hair stared back.

She put it on instead and admired herself in the mirror when she was done.The jacket was short; it was several inches above her knees, and she wasn’t sure if she could bend over without flashing her buttocks to the world, the plunging neckline was so low, it nearly revealed her belly button as well as her cleavage, but it hugged her curves so perfectly, it seemed to be made for her.

As she adjusted the lapels, she sensed stirring out of the corner of her eyes. She turned her head sideways, and she instantly became weak at the knees when she found Bryce sitting up, with the duvet falling to his waist, exposing his muscular abdomen.

“Good morning, Sarah” he said, grinning a little as his purple eyes panned up and down her body. “Don’t you look lovely today.”

Sarah blushed again. “I was just trying it on.”

“And you should keep wearing it,” Bryce said. “I won’t need it for a while.”

“What do you mean?”

"You can keep it as long I’m here,” Bryce told her. Hopefully forever…I don’t ever want to go back."

“How long would that be?” Sarah asked, dreading the answer. She knew that he would eventually have to leave, he always did. He would come here once in a blue moon to escape the chaos of the mainland; he had told her before that he had fallen in love with Ashdale and its idyllic charms, and yet he would always leave after a week or two.

“If I could have it my way…forever,” Bryce answered, thinking of how much pandemonium would flood Gielinor, now that Seren was restored.

No doubt she’s going to oppose Zaros, Bryce thought bitterly. Even a blind man could see that coming.

I couldn’t convince her otherwise, I couldn’t make her listen. She was convinced Zaros was just like Saradomin, wanting power for its own sake…nothing I said could convince her otherwise, she’s dead set on it.

He clenched his fists. And out of all the gods in Gielinor, she’s the only one with enough power to strike against him, she’s his sister and equal. One wrong move from her, and she could sabotage Zaros’ plan…then what?

The thought of Zaros made him want to punch the wall, even if it meant breaking his knuckles, as he remembered how the Empty Lord been so dismissive of him when he brought Seren’s body to Freneskae to reforge her soul after gathering up all of the shards, even though he had served Zaros very faithfully all this time.

“Really?” Sarah asked, and she could feel her heart beating faster than it had been a few seconds ago.

Really,” Bryce said, before getting up and making his way over to the dresser. “I don’t want to ever go back.”

I don’t want to face anyone; not Seren, Zaros, Arianwyn or Azzanadra, not after all this…

And yet deep down inside, a part of him knew that he couldn’t stay in Ashdale forever. Sooner or later, Zaros would need him and call upon him, or maybe Seren would, or maybe Zamorak would force him into doing his dirty work again, or maybe some other god would want to use him.

Bryce forced those thoughts aside, as he put his black leather pants on and then went to the kitchen to get himself a drink.


How was that? Does it make you uncomfortable, or are you like "meh, this is nothing" or are you faceplaming at how much I failed?

Whatever it is, leave your comments down below. As usual, feedback is highly appreciated.

Posts from This Journal by “runescape” Tag

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
azralibrarian
Oct. 7th, 2015 02:37 am (UTC)
Before I read over the fic, just a heads up--The Lord of Vampyrium, and its eventual sequel--the Myreque series finale--take place in the Fifth Age.
deathnoteuser07
Oct. 11th, 2015 12:59 am (UTC)
Damn. I thought Lord of Vampyrium was a sixth age quest.

Ah well...in my RS fanfic-verse, it takes place in the sixth age.
azralibrarian
Oct. 11th, 2015 01:12 am (UTC)
You sure you can make that work? The ending quite explicitly had the extremist advisor hide behind the excuse of "we can't do anything because the Edicts," thus King Roald's inaction up until that moment hinges on him misunderstanding how the Edicts of Guthix work. Not possible in the Sixth Age... You may have to rethink this one quite a bit, I fear...

Edited at 2015-10-11 01:15 am (UTC)
deathnoteuser07
Oct. 11th, 2015 01:34 am (UTC)
Damn it!

I didn't know about that. I haven't gotten that far yet (stupid Drakan kept on killing me, I couldn't use the ancient curses to reflect damage back on to him, he was hitting me really hard and the Myreque can barely make a scratch on him--and I don't think I can use death touch darts on him). And I haven't read the entire transcript yet, I told myself I won't until I've finished the quest 'cause every time I try to do it while it's unfinished reminds me of my failures (and before I put LoV on hold, the full transcript wasn't available).

Edited at 2015-10-11 01:42 am (UTC)
azralibrarian
Oct. 11th, 2015 05:56 pm (UTC)
Ahhh sorry for spoiling you! That detail is pretty important, though.

I had a hard time with Drakan too, but once you know the trick to each of his four phases, it becomes a matter of getting the tactics right. Even though Deflect Melee doesn't reflect damage, it is still essential to nerf his damage output and works better than Soul Split.

First phase--when he says "Ha ha ha," run the fuck away so you don't get hit by his blood bombs, which take off a fourth of your HP each, and when he says "Still trying to run?" you either need to use a stun-prevention ability (requiring EoC) or just get into melee range to prevent the magical drag attack he'll use.

Second phase--when he says "Fear me," run the fuck away until he gets out of mist form, and when he says "Embrace darkness," get under Safalaan's shield before he blasts you with lightning and takes off half your HP.

Third phase--he'll randomly use his mist form and his blood bomb/drag combo, so watch what he says and use the same tactics as before.

Fourth phase--he'll slowly walk towards you and spawn one bomb each every tick, so melee is a no-no--just keep moving and have auto-retaliate on.

Hope that helps! I should really talk about the fic fragment proper already, though...
deathnoteuser07
Oct. 14th, 2015 07:21 pm (UTC)
I tried what you said in Legacy mode (because I still hate EoC with the passion of over 9001 suns) using blisterwood stakes and off-hand blisterwood stakes, I even drank a super ranging-potion before I went in, and like before I used the deflect against ranged curse. I got him down to less than half heath before he killed me. I have to train and level grind some more before I try this again.

I should really talk about the fic fragment proper already, though...

Please do!

I'm anxious to receive feedback on my first lime scene.
azralibrarian
Oct. 22nd, 2015 02:14 am (UTC)
Right, now to leave a proper comment... *flexes fingers* Took me long enough! Since I'm speaking as someone who has done actual full-blown lemon before, I hope I can offer a good perspective. Of course, YMMV on how I handled it... Trust me, I still feel apprehensive about my own skill at this sort of thing, even though my lemony stuff has been mostly described as "sweet" so far.

Well, this is definitely more detailed than anything I did that I'd consider mere lime (see Part 2 of "Secret Union" for the last time I did something that I felt qualified as lime). The descriptions aren't cringeworthy if you ask me, but simple and tasteful--tasteful is a good thing in my book! However, I did find them a bit overdone in some cases. We're in Sarah's perspective, and the descriptions of her form make it seem like she's more focused on her own beauty than on Bryce's. While I freely admit I sometimes admire myself in the mirror, she seems to be meant to be thinking primarily about Bryce at the moment, and the focus is less on his beauty than hers.

Also, you might want to paragraph-break the sentence where the POV transitions to Bryce's perspective, right after Sarah thinks about how he always leaves.

Other than those little things, everything is quite well-done, and you got the mood I suspect you were going for! Can't run and hide forever, Bryce, even if the whole Seren thing did hit you hard... and poor Sarah, there's so much she doesn't know! I'm definitely anxious to see how the rest of this turns out. (Of course, you probably wonder how I'll write the events surrounding The Light Within, but I'm digressing... and even if The Lord of Vampyrium can't follow this, something else certainly can, whether it's a big dramatic thing or something stupid and goofy like Call of the Ancestors!)
deathnoteuser07
Oct. 24th, 2015 04:43 am (UTC)
Well, this is definitely more detailed than anything I did that I'd consider mere lime.

Really? I didn't know. I mean, yeah, I mentioned that two people did it doggy style, but I didn't give the audience any more detail besides that (unless you count the part where I mention orgasming but even that one had really minimal detail), oh man...I hope it wouldn't be enough for Deviant...I mean PrudishART to delete it.

The descriptions aren't cringeworthy if you ask me, but simple and tasteful--tasteful is a good thing in my book!

Phew...that's good to hear. I was going for tasteful.

We're in Sarah's perspective, and the descriptions of her form make it seem like she's more focused on her own beauty than on Bryce's.

So should I delete the part that describes Sarah's naked body as she admired herself in the mirror? Or trim down the part where I describe how good she looks with Bryce's jacket on?

poor Sarah, there's so much she doesn't know!

That's what happens when you live in Ashdale, sure, it's a nice, peaceful little town, but it is really isolated from the rest of the world.

You probably wonder how I'll write the events surrounding The Light Within

I am...and I'm gonna do some Wild Mass Guessing and say that Jaina isn't gonna be happy about Seren's anti-Zarosian bias,and she will sacrifice Eluned and given Seren the Dark Lord shard.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )